#personal

Cassidy’s Party

Not gonna lie, I had fun. I’m a bad dancer and it took a while to warm up. Seriously, I’m so tall compared to my friends that I just feel awkward when I put my hands up or anything like that. I had a good time though. I went to Alex’s house to get ready before with Ellisa. And it was nice just to see my best friends outside of school. I texted Connor while I was there and he said he wasn’t going to Lizzy’s. And surprisingly, we had a conversation for a while after that. I don’t know why. I was expecting one word answers. I was expecting him to avoid talking to me at all costs because it would be awkward. I don’t know if he wants to be friends or what. I can’t be friends with him though. Kristen keeps telling me that if I like him so much then I have to put in the effort and I have to keep texting him first and I have to become friends with him. I spent all night with her at Cassidy’s. I think we bonded over the fact that I told her I liked him, and I opened up and trusted her. When I told her he liked someone else, she ran off and texted him. Later, I read all her text messages and found that they were talking all day. And he was flirting with her. He was giving long responses and calling her a meenie and putting frowny faces, then playing games and saying he had a secret and she would be sad when he told her and he asked her who she liked and I can’t tell if she was flirting back because I know she likes Nick and I know she’s a fun, friendly person. So I texted him again and asked if he liked her  and he said no but she’s nice and then we talked a little while longer. I really want to know who he likes. I want to know how much better she is. I want to compare myself.   Kristen’s gonna be on my ass about texting him. As much as I want to talk to him, I won’t. He’ll think I’m annoying. I know he doesn’t like me, so there’s no point in trying to text him and win him over and flirt. He likes someone else. He’s not just gonna fall for me. It’s funny though, now that we’ve been talking more, I keep thinking that somehow, I have a better chance than I did before. I don’t know why, because obviously, I don’t. I hope he talks to me in school. And I hope it’s not awkward. At least I’ll have Chris! I’m so happy I have his as a good friend, because he is so supportive and I know he’s there whenever I need him. We don’t have a one way friendship anymore. I can talk to him about my problems too. I know he’ll listen and understand and be there. I think I might be getting out of this schulmp I’ve been in all year. Good friends, and even though I don’t have a boyfriend, I’m talking to Connor again, and our friendship used to be so good, if I can have just that back, I will. I’ll take what I can get.